What Changes? An Appeal for Give to the Max Day

Give to the Max Day. Nov 15, 2018 www.givemn.org/organization/tcjhop

I often encounter the same question when I share about the work we do at Outpost. The scene is always similar. We’re sitting down over coffee or those all-too-addictive Chick-Fil-A waffle fries.

“So what exactly does Outpost do?” they ask.

I give the quick pitch: Outpost is a ministry that helps people walk away from unwanted same-sex attractions and other sexual and relational brokenness. I talk about my love for Outpost and the way that it helps people find hope and healing. I talk about my friends who are walking in victory – who have moved beyond the overwhelming struggle and are now thriving in life-giving marriages, as parents, or in pursuing their life calling.

Surprise flits across the face of the person I’m meeting with. They hesitate, but finally ask, ”What changes?”

What changes? How do people live beyond a struggle with homosexuality or gender dysphoria? Is it some miraculous teaching at Outpost? A special program? Or that one book that definitively lays out the keys to healing? We have some great programming at Outpost, but it’s none of those things.

It’s the gospel. Jesus sets us free. He transforms us. The old man is dead and we are raised to life again in Christ. These aren’t just words. This is the core of what Outpost is about. If you want a front row seat to Christ transforming lives and making people new, this is a really good place to be.
There are two reasons I want to ask you to prayerfully consider giving to Outpost during Give to the Max. First, because the work we do is so vital and it brings so much fruit. Families are being restored. People are walking free. There is real hope and healing from pervasive and life-dominating brokenness.Give to the Max Day Testimonial: Outpost really saved my family

Second, because we want to see a day when surprise isn’t the reaction people have when they hear about Outpost. Many have never heard stories of people overcoming same-sex attraction or being transformed by Christ. We have powerful testimonies to share. When you support Outpost, you are giving us the ability to tell our stories at churches, college campuses, and conferences locally and nationally.

What changes? People experience the love of the Father. The pain and brokenness they’ve been holding onto for years begins to heal. They learn what it means to belong and to be safe. They encounter the power of the cross. As they are made holy, they are also made whole. Broken desires begin to shift. Their testimony becomes a powerful tool in the hands of the Lord to set others free and to bring hope.

You can be a part of ‘what changes’ by donating today.

Please note: we updated the giving link to www.givemn.org/organization/tcjhop.
We wanted to make things easier to type!

An Unexpected Journey

 

Figure hailing a cab on a world map

 

I had countless questions as a young person struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions. Why did I struggle with these desires? How could God change me? Would I ever be able to have a wife and children? The Church wasn’t talking much about homosexuality thirty years ago, so I was left to navigate the rigors of high school without much direction. I knew the Bible said that if you know the truth, the truth will set you free, so I decided to attend a Bible college after high school. Certainly a Bible college would know the truth that I was so desperate to find!

While at college, I first learned about Outpost Ministries, a ministry that exists to help men and women find freedom from unwanted same-sex attractions and other issues of sexual and relational brokenness. At just nineteen years old, I walked through the doors of Outpost. It was an unexpected journey but one that I was ready for and eager to take in order to find freedom.

God was faithful to me in those early years. At Outpost, I found answers. I found healing. I found my calling. I found a home.

In 2001, Dan Puumala asked me to come on staff as the Youth and College-Age Director. I was tasked with creating programming to help young people struggling with issues of gender and sexual identity. It was another unexpected journey, one most churches and ministries were not taking. Through a whole lot of help from Jesus and some trial and error, we found what worked. Persistent prayer, the study of God’s Word, and a focus on one’s inner-healing were foundational to the process. The practical realities of accountability, support groups, and separating out from negative influences were also foundational to walking away from life-dominating issues.

Outpost has seen many young lives transformed by the power of Jesus Christ throughout the years. What a joy it has been to partner with the Lord in such an important work! Now, I have the joy of seeing many of those young men and women married and with children. They continue to bear the image of God with integrity and beauty in a society that so often seeks to tear down the distinctions between men and women. These holy ones strive to be good gifts to the other gender, knowing it is a glorious position to complement each other. They are also great parents, raising their children in the wisdom of righteousness.

Outpost is raising up generations. Family lineage will continue for these men and women, something the spiritual forces behind homosexuality seek to cease. Life will continue to flow. When we choose obedience to Jesus, He makes our lives fruitful—in our families and in our communities. I am very proud of the men and women whom I have had the privilege of ministering to throughout the last 18 years. They are pilgrims on this earth, the
faithful who have chosen to live for another age.

Now, the Lord is leading my wife and me on another unexpected journey. Over this past season, the Lord has been speaking to me out of the story of Abraham. By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going (Hebrews 11:8). Abraham received the promise, he had a vision, but it was only realized by his first stepping out in faith. He ultimately received his inheritance though his saying “yes” to the unexpected journey.

In similar fashion, under the Lord’s leadership, my wife and I are stepping down from our positions at Outpost/TCJHOP and are following Him to the next adventure He has for us. We love this ministry. We love the vision and mission. We love what the Lord has built within this organization. But now, the Lord is calling us away, and we must follow.

This may seem like sudden news, but this has been a journey of discovery for us over many months. I took a sabbatical last spring. During that time, I was able to begin catching my breath and healing from almost 20 years of intense, front-lines ministry. As you can imagine, this is a challenging ministry to be in, and it has only grown more difficult in the past few years. There has been a great cost to my family and me for saying “yes” to life on the front lines. The cost has been one which we have paid willingly and would gladly do again, should the Lord ask us. But we know that if we stayed and said no to this new journey, we would be outside of the Lord’s leading. There would not be the grace to accomplish the mission and vision of the organization, and we would miss the fruitfulness of the next season of our lives.

We have not made this decision lightly. We have dialogued with good friends and mentors from all around the nation. We are so blessed to have godly men and women in our lives to help us navigate what we are sensing from the Lord. Listening obedience has also been the foundation of my ministry at Outpost. Without practicing listening obedience, I would not be where I am today. I would not have a new heart, a beautiful wife, and three amazing children. I have a rich history of relationship with God to draw from to give me strength and courage to step into the new season God has for my family and me. Yes, it is good to trust and obey, no matter how difficult.

Thank you so much for your support and friendship over the years. Candace and I are truly blessed to have been a part of such an amazing family. In that same spirit, we bless Outpost/TCJHOP as we leave.

Now more than ever, Outpost Ministries needs your support. Even now, I ask that you prayerfully consider a year-end gift to this vital kingdom ministry. Outpost has been a beacon of hope and healing for the sexually and relationally broken for over 40 years. She has helped countless men, women, and families heal from the devastating impact of sin. I am confident that her mission will continue under the leadership of Jesus and those who will be raised up in my stead.

This organization is a national treasure to cherish and invest in so that in another 40 years, she will continue to shine brightly in a world of growing darkness, continuing the vital work of Loving God, Declaring Freedom.

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Rock Bottom, Persistent Love

rock bottomsMy story is not a simple “coming to Jesus” story. It’s been a long, hard journey, full of ups and downs, messy relationships, and many rock bottoms. But Jesus faithfully pursued me and reached out to me in every twist and turn I took, in each rock bottom I hit. His love has been persistent through it all.

My Early Years

I grew up in a Christian home, and we went church every Sunday. At a young age, I contracted bacterial spinal meningitis and was in the hospital for months. The doctors told my parents that if I survived, I would have brain damage and be disabled. By God’s mercy, I lived. I came out with only a hearing loss and a slight learning disability. My illness still had a profound impact on my life, though. Other kids teased me for having hearing aids. I struggled with friendships and connecting with peers.

In the third grade, I went on a Christian camping retreat with my dad. There, I was introduced to Christ and his love and salvation for me. I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior while at that camp.

Around that time, I also got into a lot of fights with my two sisters. Once during a fight, my older sister punched me across the face.  I cried and went to my dad, but I was met with a face of anger and disappointment, not the comfort I was longing for. I was crushed. My relationship with him was already strained, and I felt a deep emptiness inside me. I determined to be the good little boy from then on.

Trapped and Hopeless

In middle school, that emptiness grew. Then I discovered pornography, and eventually gay pornography. I quickly became addicted. The images consumed me. It was torture, and by the ninth grade, I felt hopelessly trapped by it. I was losing sleep and losing friends because I was going home to look at porn rather than hanging out with them. I knew God and had accepted Jesus as my Savior, but I didn’t know how He could help me.  On many nights, I cried myself to sleep, asking God to take away this addiction. He seemed to respond with silence. I would vow to do better the next day but never did, and I was filled with guilt.

One night, while my mom and I were the only ones home, we got into a huge fight. I got so angry that I threw a large book at her. My actions shocked me. How could I do such a thing? I was the good boy! I finally confessed my addiction to my parents. They took away my computer privileges, and I met with our pastor for a while. It was helpful to talk with someone, but we never got to the root of my problems. Then I went off to college and was given a laptop, and I went right back to my desired source of comfort.

Trapped Again

During my first year of college, I began to be more aware of my intense attraction to guys and to actually question my sexuality. Eventually, I came out as gay to my parents. I began hooking up with other guys I had met online. My sexual addiction began to consume me once again, and I distanced myself from my friends.

Shouts in Our Pain

I still had a relationship with God though, and I didn’t want addiction as a part of my life. Once, after I had been crying all night, something nudged me to look up C.S. Lewis quotes. One in particular jumped out at me: “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” I knew then that, through my pain, God had been shouting at me for a while. I knew that I needed to leave college. The next day, while my friends were off at class or at chapel, I left all of my belongings and drove home.

My parents were supportive and helped me find Outpost Ministries. I was involved there for a season, but I was not quite ready to submit my sexuality to God and decided to leave. In the meantime, regardless of my choices, my dad started to rebuild our relationship. We began going out to lunch together. I would talk, and he would just listen. He took an interest in me, and it meant the world to me. It was a small but important change, and my life slowly began to shift course.

Another Rock Bottom

Soon after, I went back to a Christian college closer to home, and I was able to receive counseling there. My heart for God grew, even though I was still leading a double life. On campus, I was the good Christian boy, shy and unsure of himself, doing what he was told. Off campus, I was a sex addict who hooked up with about 30 different guys. The more I tried to find comfort and satisfaction in other men, the bigger the emptiness inside me grew. I hit an all-time low point. Yet there was another rock bottom to hit: I later learned I had contracted a sexually transmitted infection. I was devastated.

One night, I was reading in the book of Jeremiah and came across Jeremiah 30:12-13, 17: “This is what the Lord says: ‘Your wound is incurable, your injury beyond healing. There is no one to plead your cause, no remedy for your sore, no healing for you. But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord, ‘because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.’” It was me. God saw me in my state and promised restoration and gave me hope. From that day on, I stopped acting out sexually. God gave me a chance to try again.

A Question I Couldn’t Hide From

Two years later, I still desperately longed for a relationship. I thought, this time, maybe a Christian guy would work out better. I met one, and after a party, we sat in his car talking and agreed to start dating. He then asked me a question I couldn’t hide from: “How can we do this and glorify God?” I froze and heard God say, “Yes, Ian, how can you do this and glorify Me?”  I didn’t know what to say.  Eventually, I turned to him and said, “I don’t think I can do this,” and I got out of his car and left.

By the end of college, I had come to the conclusion that I would have to be a “gay Christian.” I had gotten involved in the LGBT community and the gay club scene by this point, but I still had a desire to honor God and be close to him. I determined that I would live a celibate life, but accepted that I would always struggle with my attractions.

Maybe There’s More

I still desired a place to go for spiritual support, and eventually found it again at Outpost. First, I went through Joshua Fellowship’s summer masculinity course. I learned what it means to be a man created in the image of God and how to be the man He created me to be. I also found a new, enjoyable community with the Joshua Fellowship guys. As my masculine strength and my trust in God grew, I noticed that my thoughts began to change. Maybe I wasn’t limited to just live a celibate life and always struggle. Maybe God had more for me.

Inviting Jesus with Me

I was still involved in the LGBT community during this time. It fed a deep desire inside of me for connection with others. In group at Outpost, I continually admitted going to gay clubs.  As I shared, the Outpost leaders advised me to ask Jesus to come to the bars with me.

I started doing just that, and my experience at the bars began to change. It wasn’t as fun anymore. One time at the bar, I saw someone I knew, and my friends continuously made lustful comments about him.  It hurt to hear what they were saying because I knew this person loved God, and he deserved better than those comments or to be in that bar. So I left my friends there. Little did they or I know that this was the last time I would go to the bars with them.

A New Season

A new season in my life came when I attended the One Thing Conference in Kansas City.  It was an amazing experience, and it launched me into a life of prayer and inspired me to get more involved with the ministry. I signed up for TCJHOP’s summer internship. We spent four days a week in the Prayer Room and also listened to different speakers. I experienced how being in prayer healed my heart and my relationship with God. I grieved my many messy, unhealthy relationships but recognized my real need for love. The Father’s love began filling that emptiness inside, and I desired less and less to be in a relationship with a guy.

God’s Power to Restore

Over time, God has not only restored my relationship with Himself and provided me with healthy same-sex friendships. He has also brought healing in my relationships with my parents, especially with my dad. My sisters and I have built amazing new friendships. God really does have the power to restore the family. God has also restored my desire to be married and have a family of my own. In fact, I have found a very special woman, and we are engaged to be married later this year. I have a new a passion to stand for the image of God in men and women. I also love to share my story with young people who find themselves trapped in similar addictions and situations as I did.

Through all the ups and downs, twist and turns and rock bottom experiences of my journey, God has been patient to reach out to me in my darkest moments. He has graciously shown me His persistent love and the truth of His Word. “He brought me out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm” (Psalm 40:2). God’s healing, restoration and firm foundation have brought unexpected joy and peace in my life that I never thought possible.

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Introducing Outpost North!

Outpost NorthWe have been waiting for the right moment to announce our new branch Outpost North in Brainerd, MN! Outpost North offers our Foundations course to anyone struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions, family members, and pastors and ministry leaders who want to learn more about Outpost and the healing journey. They have also started an Elijah Company group for parents, family and friends of gay-identified loved ones.

Our Outpost North Coordinator, Angie, has a beautiful testimony of the Lord pursuing her, even in the midst of her sin and brokenness. She now has a husband and a little girl—a little girl who would not exist had the enemy succeeded in his plans to keep Angie from her true identity and destiny in God.

Angie understands by experience that it is the Father’s desire to restore the broken-hearted and restore the family. Malachi 4:5-6 says, “’Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse” (NKJV). Seeing the restoration of the family is our vision at Outpost Ministries and TCJHOP because we believe that it is the Lord’s end-time strategy to bring healing to families, to the family of God and to our society. Thank you for partnering with us in this mighty work the Lord is doing among us!

Broken Pieces Made Whole

broken glass. . . And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God (Corinthians 6:11, NASB).

What a powerful statement to be said over someone’s life: “and such were some of you.” I resonate strongly with this passage. However, I first had to wrestle my way through 1 Corinthians 6:9, especially the part about homosexuality.

I grew up in the church, hearing Bible stories most of my life. I have led youth groups, Christian school groups, and I even went to seminary. I loved Jesus passionately, but I lived a double life. I did not know there was an escape plan that Jesus was offering me, “and such were some of you.” I thought I was a lesbian and that there was no way out. There is a plan, however; there is a way out, and there is Someone who can redeem our brokenness and make us whole again.

I guarantee that there are people among your family members, co-workers, friends, and among the people who sit next to you at church and in your small group who are struggling with SSA (same-sex attractions). I believe that most of these people want out but don’t know there is a way. I was one of those people who just wanted to be “found out” by anyone because I desperately wanted out. I knew I needed help.

My story begins on a family farm in rural Iowa where my family consisted of a dad and mom and four girls. We literally had three TV stations, and the smell of farm manure was the smell of money. I loved growing up on that farm with my family. I loved working outside, the smell of dirt, hot summer afternoons, working hard and spending countless hours shooting hoops in the driveway with my sisters. Every Sunday, my mom would drag my sisters and I to church; my father would stay home to attend to the chores.

In the midst of everything that I loved, I remember being a hurting little girl who was struggling in relationship with her parents. I was swimming in a sea of anger and rage, trying to keep myself afloat. Because of their own brokenness, my father was harsh and unemotional, and my mother was weak and submissive. I grew up disliking my dad and being mad at my mom for not standing up for herself or for us.

Fast forward to my third year of college after a Chicago missions trip. I found myself falling “in love” with one of my friends. We entered into a very emotionally enmeshed friendship that turned physical very quickly. I was shocked at what I was doing, but I also enjoyed this new relationship.

It was a new adventure that seemed to whip me off my feet. I had found someone who accepted me, who loved me unconditionally, who gave me worth. She understood the depths of my heart as we became more and more emotionally enmeshed. It seemed that both of us were made for this type of relationship. My feelings reminded me that I had felt this way for as long as I could remember. I secretly concluded that I must be a lesbian.

This new adventure was actually counterfeit love and acceptance. It was a counterfeit that wore the perfect mask and said the perfect things, but it always left me disappointed and cleaning up the mess. It literally left me hating myself. The adventure was filled with lust, wrong motives, control, codependency and emotional enmeshment.

You need to understand how Satan will present things to people. He will make things look good and look loving, but behind my partner’s words was emptiness and a dark void. Please know that even my words to her were counterfeit and empty, just as much as her words were to me. Her words could never sustain me, and my words could never satisfy her.

It was strange; as our relationship seemed to flourish, as we lavished each other with love, tension grew. Sin is only pleasurable for a season. We began to fight more and more and tried to control one another. I was left with a dark cloud of guilt, pain and depression. During my fourth year of seminary, I spent days in bed and hours on the internet viewing pornography. I was looking for a quick fix, something to numb out all of my pain and shame.

I couldn’t hear God’s voice anymore. I would pray for a way out, for someone to find us out, for someone to call me out. No one took a stance against homosexual behavior; everyone was accepting it, even our Christian friends. Even with all of this acceptance around me, I could not stop the aching inside. It was consuming me. I thought of ways I could kill myself as the dark cloud around me became more and more suffocating. Sin became a cancer in my body; it was eating me up.

Then God spoke!

One night as I cried out to God, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Angie, tonight you will either choose Jesus or choose your sin.” I told Jesus, “I choose You, but I want to be free from homosexuality, lust, pornography and rage. I don’t care if I ever teach or preach again. I just want to be free.”

The next day, I went to an art exhibit in a church basement in downtown Minneapolis. There, the Holy Spirit spoke to me again through a piece of artwork. The art piece was large; it stood taller than me. As I went closer, I saw that it was the face of Jesus made out of small, broken pieces of mirror. I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to go forward, and I hesitated. I asked the Holy Spirit, “Have you seen what I’ve embraced? What I’ve laid with? The darkness I’ve slept with? The darkness that’s consumed me? I cannot go closer. I am dirty, too dirty!” But I went closer, and as I saw my reflection in the broken pieces of mirror that made up Jesus’ face, I heard the Holy Spirit, “I will make you whole again!” With hot tears streaming down my face, I knew I was going to be made whole again and set free from sexual perversion and sexual brokenness.

That day in 2001 marked the beginning of a journey of healing and restoration in my life that continues to this day. My husband Scott and were married in 2013. As I rock our little girl to sleep at night and gaze upon her wonderfully-made frame, my heart declares, “My God, You are faithful in all things!”

After the birth of our daughter, Scott and I found ourselves moving to Brainerd in north-central Minnesota for his job. We had no clue what God was up to but knew we needed to be here. My husband and I are excited to tell you about the beginnings of Outpost North. Outpost Ministries’ long 40-year history in the Twin Cities has now come to Brainerd to offer the same ministry of healing and restoration while helping individuals and families experience freedom in Christ.

Outpost North started programming in January. We offer the Foundations course and have started an Elijah Company group. Foundations is a four-week introduction to Outpost and the healing process and is open to anyone struggling with unwanted SSA, parents and family members, as well as pastors and ministry leaders. Elijah Company is a support and prayer group for parents, family members, friends and co-workers with loved ones who identify as gay. We are also seeking opportunities to speak in area churches, especially to youth groups. It is my hope that someday we can offer one-to-one coaching and discipleship for individuals seeking freedom from unwanted same-sex attractions.

We are excited about what God can and will do here in the Brainerd Lakes area. We are excited to see lives transformed, families restored, marriages reconciled and captives set free. Our culture has done an excellent job of normalizing homosexuality. This, however, is not God’s design. It is time to stand up and help those who are struggling and lead them to a place of restoration and reconciliation.

It is our delight to be here in the Brainerd Lakes Area and to be the voice of Truth regarding this subject. This Iowa farm girl is excited to see God go after ones just like me and to set them free. It is our privilege to serve the Lord and to serve Outpost Ministries.

Interested in joining Outpost North’s Foundations class or Elijah Company group or inviting Angie to speak in the Brainerd Lakes Area of MN? Contact us.

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