“God did not create sexuality with morality [i.e. rules] in mind. He created sexuality to image the relational mystery of the Trinity, with the ultimate goal that redeemed humans would be vessels of God’s divine presence who invite others to join His Divine Community of holy love.”
– Linda Seiler

Dear friends,
I heard Linda say the above words as a part of a recent seminar on how to address LGBTQ+ topics and issues with youth. It highlighted how often the Church approaches questions about LGBTQ+ backwards. I think our tendency as the Church, especially one influenced by purity culture, has been to start with morality and then try and explain why certain behaviors are good or bad.
Why does this happen? We may have felt shame around our own identity and sexuality, whether because of generational factors or our own experiences or both. For parents, we may have wanted our kids to avoid certain sexual experiences or practices, both selflessly for their sake and selfishly because we don’t want to look bad as a parent or deal with the pain and hassle of our kids going off the rails. Maybe we do not see our embodiment or our sexuality as a good gift from God, but as a painful thorn in the flesh. In these feelings of fear and shame, it is easy to simply tell people, “Don’t have sex outside of marriage,” or, “Homosexuality is wrong,” without being able to demonstrate why those are not God’s best, or even what God wants for us. Does this mean there is no hope for us? Does this mean I am piling on shame about how much we’ve failed? Absolutely not! How do we demonstrate the goodness of identity and sexuality to people, especially children and youth, without falling into the trap of focusing only on “dos” and “don’ts”?
Linda’s quote is our answer: we use God’s approach. In terms of sexuality and identity, God always starts with Himself: a Triune Community of Love. We, as men and women, reflect God because we are made by and for relationship. However, we are broken body, soul, and spirit; we are disintegrated in ourselves and separated from God because we have chosen to be our own gods. In spite of that, God has sacrificed everything in order to redeem us out of our slavery to sin and to free us from our idolatry–which includes sex. In light of God’s costly love and grace, therefore, Christians seek to live in gratitude of God and in light of their new identity in Christ.
In terms of sex and LGBTQ+ identities, then, we start our discussion with the goodness of our embodiment–body, soul, and spirit–and the goodness of sexuality. Regardless of who we are, our sexuality and all of our sexual experiences, practices, and attitudes are always meant to portray Christ and the Church. That said, those who do not yet trust Jesus need to encounter Him and see His costly love and grace before we focus on their sexual identity or practices. After all, nobody is going to give up sin if they don’t have something or Someone truly better. When talking with the kids and youth in your life, it is imperative to help them see the goodness of their embodiment and God’s design for them. How early should you start? As one panelist from the same seminar said, “3 years old, or as soon as possible. Kids are getting messages from the world about LGBTQ+ that early, so you must lay the foundation early on in age-appropriate ways.” Ultimately, you have to paint the picture of the beautiful thing God is calling each of us into, and invite them to be a part of that picture.
If you haven’t started helping the kids and youth in your life to receive the goodness of their embodiment, that’s okay; you can start now! If you have loved ones who identify as LGBTQ+, you are called to faithfully follow Jesus and receive the gift of your embodiment, entrusting your loved one to God and focusing instead on Him and how He wants to minister to and grow you. If you are a church, prayerfully consider how we can come alongside you to help equip you for ministering to your congregation–youth and adults–in this area. As I wrote last month, you are not that different from those who have embraced an LGBTQ+ identity, because all people bear God’s image. Your discipleship to Jesus can be a bridge, even to those with different experiences from you. I pray that all of us would seek to know God’s love for our whole personhood and rest secure in His grace as we navigate these topics together.
Amen.
