This article from the archives was first published in the March 1990 edition of Outpost News. The contents are reprinted as originally written.
Recently a friend and I went to see the movie, DAD which starred Jack Lemmon as Ted Danson’s father. The movie dealt with the poor relationship between father and son. “Dad” is elderly and needs help with ordinary daily living. As serious illness sets in, the son comes home to spend Dad’s last days. During these difficult days together, a loving relationship builds between them. The touching climax shows Dad in the hospital, dying of cancer. His son comes for a visit. In spite of the love that had recently grown between them, Dad expresses his lifelong regrets. “I wish I had hugged you more when you were growing up. I wish I had kissed you more when you were young.” Like a frightened little boy, the son lies down to snuggle up to his dad.
As I watched the scene, tears streamed down my face, and I sobbed with uncontrollable emotion. I could so identify with the son. I yearned to be kissed, hugged and to snuggle up to my dad.
Leaving the theater, I realized that I had some homework to do. There is still part of that emotional little boy in me who desperately needs love and acceptance from men. I realized that the hurts from my past are not completely healed.
Once again I came to the foot of the cross and cried out to Jesus to show me how to forgive the hurts my father inflicted on me. I asked again for healing of memories and healing of past hurts. I reminded myself that I have value and worth, simply because I am a human being. More importantly, as an adopted son of God, I have value to Him. He chose me, He accepts me, and He loves me with an everlasting love. I continued my mental checklist by evaluating the love and acceptance I have experienced from male friends. This shows that I belong to the male population, that I am truly a man. I am aware of change that has been accomplished in my life. No longer do I reject myself as a man, stemming from the rejection I felt from my father and other males. No longer do I wallow in self pity, never seeing anything in a positive light. No longer is my identity wrapped up in my mother’s identity, the one person I knew really loved me. No longer do I fear non-sexual intimacy with men, having experienced intimacy abuse in my childhood. No longer do I need to be emotionally dependent upon another human, though I lived nine years in a dependent relationship. No longer am I angry at God and the whole world for the suffering I experienced as a boy. No longer am I the victim of horrendous circumstances, having taken on a martyr complex.
Change does occur. And as this emotional boy continues to grow up, change will appear again. As I reflect on the movie, DAD, I thank you, my Heavenly Father, for having me snuggle up to you and hear you say, “I love you my son. You’re mine.”
We are so grateful to Philip for sharing his testimony that proclaims the truth of God’s power to redeem and restore. Many things have changed since 1990, but God’s heart for healing and His calling on Outpost Ministries have not.
To hear more testimonies of God’s work, we hope you will join us at the From Glory to Glory Gala. As we look to raise funds in our 50th year of ministry, we are excited to share the ways God continues to work through the groups, classes, and trainings held here.
Thanks be to God for His unchanging nature and love for His children! Amen.
